What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
