I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
