now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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