note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
