if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
