but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
