There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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