You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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