Ambien. No doubt about it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
