I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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