I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
