I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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