and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize