I think I died a long time ago.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
