somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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