At least make sure they are 18
Why
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
