so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize