____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize