We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
