I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
