You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
