he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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