I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
