I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think a kid would responsible me up
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
