she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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