I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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