It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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