Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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