Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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