I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
