i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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