I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Say something about gay babies.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize