I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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