Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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