Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
