A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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