As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
