Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
