Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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