Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
