Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
