How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
