How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
