life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
