Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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