While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
