im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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