Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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