the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
