i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
