Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
