he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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