Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What drink are we having for lunch?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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