I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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