To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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