so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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