I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
