Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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