Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
