i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
