I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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