I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
