Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
