We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
