Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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