mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize