dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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