with your own penis?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
